Thursday, October 23, 2008

Here We Go Again

What a day.

It started off nice. I only had to work two hours. I took a 1/2 day off for my appointment with Dr. G this afternoon and I had a prep time at 10:30 (my kids were at PE) so I left then for the rest of the day.

I came home, had lunch, walked my dog and found out I left my cell phone at work. That was the beginning of my demise. I was doing so well until something so little happened. I was suddenly completely overwhelmed by the fact that I would need to stop by work on my way to the RE's. Normally, this would not be such a big deal, but I realized how much I was dreading my visit with Dr. G. I just didn't want to go back to that place. I was embarrassed. I felt like a failure. I didn't want to put myself through all that disappointment again, but I knew I would just the same.

I pulled myself together and left a little early so I could stop by work. Utterly unexplainable emotional meltdown number two occurred as I discovered my cell phone was not on my desk, where I thought I had left it. I called DH and told him I was on my way to pick him up at work and I wouldn't be able to call him when I got there because I had lost my cell phone.

I got DH and we finally arrived at the clinic which shares its building with other offices. The parking lot was packed. I finally found a spot and I politely wait for a SUV to pass so I can pull in. Well the bastard pulls in instead. I did something that is not characteristically me. I honk. I am so non confrontational that this is really a lot for me. I immediately become embarrassed and tell DH I shouldn't have done that. Emotional breakdown number three.

I suddenly worried when I saw that "the bastard" had come with his wife and they were walking in the direction of my RE's. . . They were going to the same floor. . .They were going in the same door. Don't I feel like an ass! Poor people were there for their first infertility class. And here I am the jerk who honks at them. I was then stuck in an awkward line with them while DH and I checked in. At least I hadn't flip them off.

Dr. G was about 15 minutes behind schedule. While we waited we saw a woman bring two kids in (both about 6 or 7). The nurse tells her where the infertility class is located. Nice, take your two kids to a class on infertility. I know secondary infertility is hard, but in this case, bringing children didn't seem appropriate. How is she going to be able to pay attention? And what kind of education did those kids get today?

Well, we finally get in to see Dr. G and he is not all doom and gloom like Nurse X was on the phone two weeks ago. He agreed that my ovaries were performing like a woman pushing 40 (tell me something I didn't know) and that there were other protocols to try. It was between an antagonist protocol and a micro-dose lupron flare. He then went into a very long explanation of how each protocol worked. I was well versed in each one so I was listening and nodding and asking very appropriate questions. Poor DH was lost. I think at one point his eyes glazed over. I guess he didn't need to be there, but I wasn't sure if they would try to write me off or not and I wanted him to help me decide what we should do next if that was the case.

We decided to go with the antagonist protocol because he said that dominant follicles (which I had last time) were more prone in a lupron flare protocol. I didn't want that to happen again if I could help it. Overall Dr. G is very knowledgeable and answers all my questions completely. I like the fact that he respects and appreciates all the research I've done and welcomes my questions. In the end (as we know well) it is such a crap shoot. No one can predict anything for sure.

I have mixed feeling about getting underway again. I am happy I have something else to try. I feel more proactive that way. But I dread all that comes with another cycle. I need to call Nurse X tomorrow and have her make my calendar. Next month the fun will really begin. Hey, at least I won't have to take any lupron shots!

Now if I could just find my cell phone.


tryingtoconceive said...

I'm happy for you to have gotten these answers, and to hear that there are other options of protocols for you. Yay!

I'm sure you won't miss the Lupron. My last protocol was antagonist, as well. And look at me now!

I'm excited to hear all the updates as you begin this next cycle.

Lost in Space said...

Sorry for the crappy day and all the meltdowns. Sometimes our emotions just sit on the edge waiting for that one thing to push us over to meltdown status. The guy who took your parking spot should be happy you weren't medicated or that scene could have gone much differently. (: I hope he was the one that was embarrassed.

This whole thing is such a crap shoot. I hope antagonist is the perfect fit for your body. The less injections part of this protocol is definitely a bonus. Best of luck!!