On your mark! Get set! Go!

What a day!

It started off at 7:30 am in my RE's office for my baseline ultrasound/bloodwork. They don't open til 8:00, but I was told my doc was busy and to come at 7:30. The door was unlocked but all the lights were out and I don't think anyone was home. I called out "Hello." My voice is very small and goes nowhere so I just sat down in the dark to wait. About two minutes later a couple of nurses walked in and, surprise, my doctor was there all along. The appointment itself went quickly and I was out of there by 8:00. No cysts, so I was happy about that. He also found a few follicles (not many I think 5 or 6 total). I took my last BCP today so I am not even on cycle day one yet. I thought that seeing follicles already was a good thing. Then stupid me googles baseline u/s and antral follicle count. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! All I saw were women with multiple, multiple follicles just sitting there waiting to stim. I was getting discouraged before I even got started. I am going to try to still be happy with my measly follicle count. Why? Because last time when I was on the lupron, I am not sure I even had any (I don't know. I didn't think to ask- I didn't ask this time, he just told me) and I am not even on cycle day one yet so more can join the party (I sent them an invitation- I'm still waiting to hear back), and my ovaries looked today almost the same as they did last cycle after five days of stimming. I am trying really hard to stay positive. I. am. trying. really. hard.

At my clinic, you can see your test results online. Sometimes they show up hours before the nurse calls. Not really a good thing for a person like me. My progesterone was .4 (I was okay with that) and my E2 was <20 (that was the official number). My E2 has never been that low before, even on lupron. I again consulted Dr. Google and got myself nice and worked up.

I did have to pull myself away from the computer long enough to go to the dentist . It felt weird being in a medical office without Dr. G. and a dildo cam. Even though I've maxed out my crappy dental insurance for the year, a part of me thought I should get my scheduled cleaning done anyway "just in case" this time works. I feel like I jinx myself when I do these things. I hate not knowing how to live my life.

While I was at the dentist, Nurse B called (Nurse X is in Cancun for a week- must be nice). She said the blood work looked fine but I shouldn't just start injections on Friday like my calendar says, because I need to wait for AF to arrive and start them on CD2 (which very well could be Friday). I called her back and asked about my low E2 numbers, she said they were fine and they like to see low numbers at this point. My AF better behave and show up on time, otherwise I have to call if she doesn't arrive by Thursday. I'm not sure why I have to call. Just to check in? I'm not really clear about that. They better not decide to reschedule me if she's late! There is a short window for IVF procedures in December and I need to fit into that. I can't wait any longer.

So that is my long, boring account. Sorry if your eyes are glazing over. As you can see, I focus on every painstaking detail. It is a fault of mine. This blog could have been much shorter, but I need to get it all out. Analyze, accept, move on. It's what I do.

I just want to get farther than I did before. Wait, that's not really true. I want the whole package. I want the trigger shot, the retrieval, the fert. report, the transfer, the 2ww, the BFP, the pregnancy, the baby. It all seem so overwhelming right now. One day at a time right?

Today is done and I am still in the race.