Thursday, November 20, 2008

Dishing My Dirt

Today was the day I told my boss that am dealing with infertility. I had been pondering whether or not to for some time. I had a couple reasons I needed to get it off my chest.

This summer, I turned down the opportunity to interview with her for the vice-principal position. My old principal had retired and the new one needed a VP. I had tons of support and encouragement from my old boss. She was a real cheerleader for me. I think I could have gotten it. So why didn't I try? Oh that's right, this beast called infertility reared its ugly head.

I was overwhelmed this summer with all things IVF. I just couldn't take the stress of a new career path. And besides, remember the part of me that thought this was going to work? I didn't want to leave my principal high and dry while I went on maternity leave. Oh, so naive!

Now, several months later, the beast is back, and he's going to be my date for the next few weeks (That's if I'm not cancelled after two stim checks again). I needed to let my boss know that I would be taking time off for appointments. As a teacher, you can't just mosey in an hour late and say, "Hey First Graders! How was your morning? Did I miss anything?" I need the help of a colleague to take my class on the days I have appts. My last principal was very understanding of this. I thought this one would be too, but I wasn't sure. I wanted to give her the reason why. And most importantly I needed her to know why I turned down the chance to take the VP position. I am a woman who goes for what she wants (obviously- just look what I'll do for a baby) and the way I've been acting at work lately hasn't reflected that.

I had been dreading talking to her all day. No conversation is harder for me than one that involves telling someone out of the blue that I am infertile. Where do you begin? I had set the appt. with her in an e-mail to discuss something "personal and private." I added, "Don't worry, I'm not pregnant, moving or dying." So when I showed up in her office today she was totally stumped.

It was so awkward. I just started talking. I don't even really remember what I said. I didn't overwhelm her with details. I was very general. To her credit, she was very nice. She's younger than me (29) and single, so she couldn't really relate, but she told me she had a friend who was going through the same thing right now and to just "do what I needed to do." I trust her to be professional and not let anyone know. My last boss would have never found out because she had a big mouth.

I felt some relief letting her know. I always do after I spill my "secret." Once I am out in the open with it, I don't have a hard time talking about it with people. It's just the initial announcement that I can't stand. I don't know why these conversations are so hard for me, but they are. I think I am done for now. No one else should need to know.

************************************************
Monday morning is my suppression check. I can't believe it is almost here.

Let the mind games begin!

8 comments:

PJ said...

Hey, got any "bread"? (thanks for the laugh!)

My 2nd graders were annoyed with me during my last cycle. They were all "why do you have to go to the doctor EVERY morning?". And I was all, "that's my business"!

Luckily, I have a super assistant who comes in and does handwriting.

My prinicipal is a guy (kind of a butthead these days, but that's another subject), and telling him was awkward too. I told him as little as possible, and just emphasized that this is the reason I'm going to be out, and it's a good reason!

And normally, they make you take a half day if you're out for an hour but they let me just keep track on an index card of the hours and when I reach a whole day, I take it as a sick day.

Lost in Space said...

What a relief to just be able to get it out. I have so many different bosses and have only chosen to tell a few that I really think need to know. It does help to lighten the stress load knowing that your boss is supportive.

Good luck with your suppression check!!!

G said...

Ehhh I know just how you feel about the 'Do I apply for this position or not?' I am going through it right now!! Cannot decide whether or not to apply for a position on the Nurse Educators Team that's coming up...

Being totally optimistic right now, and assuming I'm pregnant early next year, I don't want to leave my potential new boss in a difficult situation. Especially since I know one of the educators is currently 11 weeks pregnant, and another is going to start trying next year.... hmmmm cannot decide!!

Also haven't decided yet whether to tell my current boss about things just yet. She will probably be my reference for the new job if I go for that too.... Ehhhh!

Great job telling your boss, I hate that initial conversation too, after that I'm good as gold :)

Emily said...

I'm glad you got that out of the way. I am so happy that I am not in the classroom anymore while deal with IVF. Talk about stress!

Good luck on Monday!!

Robin said...

That's a great response from her! I know its hard to tell your boss. I felt the same way you did. But it does feel better to be honest. My boss is wonderful about it all. The only people I have to worry about are my staff. I have 11 women I manage and they love to gossip.

Let us know about your suppression check. I'm praying for this cycle to be the one!

'Murgdan' said...

Good for you for telling your boss about it! ...and for someone who may not be able to personally relate, her response was very appropriate.

I'm still pondering if I'll do the same when the time comes...being that I do have the kind of job where I can mosey in and out as I please...and my RE office is across the street from work.

...I really just want an excuse to tell someone, anyone--because my husband won't 'let' me...or feels very strongly about my not telling anyone. WE are so.very.different.

Good luck on the cycle too...

mylifechronicles said...

Hi... I came across your blog through one that I follow. I am glad that you told your boss. I just did that myself abt 2 weeks ago. I felt soo much like you... it was so difficult to start the conversation but once I got it out, I felt better. This way, my boss knows that I am not just slacking off and making up these early morning "doc appts"!
Wishing you all the best for this upcoming cycle. I am looking forward to following your journey to a baby!

Lisa said...

I hear ya. Infertility takes over our life and it's impossible to focus on anything else. But it's good that your boss knows, maybe it will help when you need time off, and explain why you might be so unfocused. People don't get it, but just knowing, might help take some stress off you.

GL with supression check!!!