The last week has been a little stressful on DH and me. The upcoming IVF cycle is looming near and we start to get a little testy with each other. Gone is the excitement that comes along with starting a new cycle. Instead I am filled with anxiety and dread. I know I should have a positive attitude and all that shit, but I don't work that way. I like to set myself up for the worst and then be pleasantly surprised if it goes better than that. I don't know how to do it any other way. I tried last time to be positive. Actually, I didn't need to try. Deep down I really thought it would work. The success rates for IVF were so much better when it was just MI. I started thinking of my future as being pregnant and having a baby, maybe even two. Well, that thinking didn't really get me anywhere, except to a new reality. Now with both of us facing IF, the odds are stacked against us. Even if I can get some good eggs this time, there is no guarantee any will fertilize, let alone live to day 3 or 5 for transfer. . . Ooops! I better stop. I am getting way to pessimistic here. If I'm dropping $4500 on fertility meds this time, I better at least have a positive thought or two, otherwise why am I doing this again?
Anyway, I digress, so the stress of IF had caught up with DH and I so yesterday we decided to go on a date night to a local steakhouse. We were seated at a booth next to the lobby. We got to see pretty much everyone entering and leaving the restaurant. It must have been bring your baby to dinner night because I swear almost every couple who passed by was young, cute and had a baby in tow. So much for getting our mind off of it. I think I counted close to 20. Really, at a steakhouse? It's not like we were at flipping Applebees! The pregnant lady seated next to us didn't help matters. Lovely, just lovely.
In spite of this, DH and I ended up having a nice evening and flaunting my glass of wine in front of my preggo neighbor helped improve my mood. Just maybe she was jealous of me, especially when one of the babies in the restaurant started screaming. The grass is always greener right?
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