How many of you have seen the TLC program "Jon and Kate Plus Eight"? You know, the one who had two sets of multiples, twins and sextuplets? Come on, raise your hands high. It is one of my guilty pleasures too. She is a totally organized, anal retentive, type A personality, much like myself at times. Her kids are cute, although Maddy can be a brat (but hey, she's seven). It's a funny show.
And most importantly Kate is a fellow infertile, right?
Then why the hell does she never talk about it?
I remember the first season, the show opened with their voice overs and Kate saying something about "When we couldn't get pregnant on our own, we turned to fertility treatments and had our beautiful twin girls." Okay, fair enough. You are honest about being infertile. You don't need to go into excruciating details about it. It's your life, some things can be private.
By the next season, any previous talk of infertility was gone.
The episode that made me the most frustrated was the one that showed Jon and Kate "The Early Years." It was when they were describing how they met, their wedding, etc. When it got to the part about infertility, Kate mentions she had PCOS and tried once and didn't succeed and then got pregnant on the second attempt. She then proceeds to show the positive pee stick video footage and says, "This pregnancy is the most wanted pregnancy in the whole world (I'll give her that) and it is the result of determination, dedication and blah, blah, blah." You know what Kate? If all infertile woman who were dedicated and determined got their BFP then the world would be a fair place. . . but it's not.
What bothers me the most about Kate is that she has a wonderful opportunity to share her struggles through IF with the world, and she just breezes over it. Some might argue that it's her life and she doesn't have to share her most intimate feelings and experiences. Well guess what? She does. Every single episode. She puts her kids on T.V. and takes pictures of the with their first poops, and we've watched her go for a tummy tuck. Doesn't make PCOS look so intimate now does it?
Why can't she reach out to woman who are going through the same struggles she did? Why does she try to sweep it under the rug? Did she not have the same feelings of loss, isolation, panic, despair? Why is it so easy for her to forget? Is she ashamed?
The reason I never spoke of my troubles TTC with people before was to save myself some of the hurt. There were days I didn't want to speak of IF. I didn't want people to walk on eggshells around me or look at me like some kind of freak. I wanted my privacy while I dealt with it. I've always wondered if I'd tell people that I became pregnant through IVF. Is it really anyone's business? I have no doubts now. When the time comes, I will shout it from the rooftops. If someone can overhear my struggles and find some comfort in their own, then my IF wasn't for naught.
Another blogger who was finally pregnant after IF wrote several posts regarding "crossing over" from infertility to fertility. I'm sorry, but that will never be me. DH and I will always be infertile. I pray with everything I have that we will be infertile with a child someday, but we will never be fertile. We will never be able to get pregnant on our own, without medical intervention. We will never forget the struggles we went through. I will never turn my back on the people who've offered me so much support. I will never be ashamed.
Infertility will never define me, but it will always be a part of who I am.
So shame on you Kate!
You could have done some good.
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11 months ago