This morning in the staff room one teacher was talking to another about a pair lesbian mothers that she knows who had IVF (she pronounced it "in vertro") done with one mother's egg and a sperm donor. She then went on to say something that made no sense. The embryo (she actually just called it an egg) split in two and each mother carried an identical twin and they were born five months apart. WTF? Anyway, I was keeping my mouth shut. They weren't talking to me and I was too tired to explain how they were presumably not identical (that kind of thing doesn't happen before transfer right?) and if they were born five months apart, one of the embryos must have come from a FET.
I tried to stay out of it until the coworker listening to the tale turned to me and said, "How can that be that they're five months apart?" (A rhetorical question I'm sure- This lady had no idea I did IVF) So I answered, "One was probably frozen." She then comes back with, "That's weird isn't it? It's not natural. It's sick."
Now I was going to bite my tongue because she has always been nice to me and people are so naive/ignorant to the process of IF treatments. I was doing okay (even though my tongue was bleeding) until she got to "It's sick" and then I lost it (at least on the inside). I could feel that rush of adrenaline you get when you can feel the anger coursing through your body.
I said, "What's sick?"
"The whole thing."
"You think in-vitro is sick?"
"No, no not in-vitro just the whole freezing thing." (trying very badly to back peddle)
I must have a look that spoke volumes. I can't hide any emotion on my face.
"I think the technology's amazing."
"Now I've offended you. I didn't mean to offend you. (Blah, blah, blah.)"
"You know my baby was the result of IVF."
"No I didn't know that, but I realized you must have when you reacted the way you did. I'm sorry."
I could tell she felt like shit but I didn't care. People ass-ume too much. Maybe the pregnant woman sitting next to you did go through IVF. You don't know. Even if she didn't, she might know someone who did. Think a little. And for my dumb ass coworker telling the story, get your facts straight and don't talk about things you don't know.
It was not a pleasant way to start my morning. It brought back a flood of IF memories and rude, thoughtless comments. I need to share my struggles more. I need to open my mouth more. I owe it to myself and everyone else who has struggled with IF.
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7 months ago