Saturday, March 7, 2009


There's a children's book called Wemberly Worried and I read it to my class every year. The character is a little mouse who worries about everything. My favorite part is when she worries that everyone will be a butterfly in the Halloween parade. When she arrives, she realizes there are no other butterfly costumes. Then she worries because she is the only one.
Infertility has made me a Wemberly. . .

I don't want to be a Wemberly.
Now that I've hit the second trimester, I've found a new set of things to obsess over. My recent one- cervical incompetence.

Where did I come up with this one you ask? A couple days ago I was sitting on my hard chair at my desk and I felt this cervical/vaginal twinge/pain. It only lasted a few seconds, but from then on the rest of the day I was acutely aware of my lady parts. And I felt/imagined them to be sore. From what I read from Dr. Google, cervical incompetence usually is associated with no feeling or pain. Your cervix just spontaneously dilates without contractions. (Oh, and only 1/100 women present with it. What makes me think I'm so special?). A previous "traumatic" (they dilated you too quickly) D & C puts you at higher risk. I've had a D&C before when I was 19 for extremely heavy and irregular periods (see, I've never been normal "down there"). How do I know if it was traumatic or not? I don't.

Does the logical part of me think I should even let this be a worry right now? Of course not. But the tragic thing I found from this is that they let women go through one, two, or three previous second trimester miscarriages before they consider you at risk for it. How hard is it for doctors to check your cervix at each appt.? It's something that isn't usually done until the end of third trimester.
You can bet your ass, my doctor will check mine on Tuesday at my next appt. Whether she wants to or not. I will just need to explain to her I'm an IF patient. We worry more than the rest and if she can't understand that then maybe I need to find a new doctor. One that specializes in treating Wemberlies.
Stay tuned for my next "Worry of the Week". . .

Now onto better topics.

14 Weeks

I've loved being able to look down and see my pooch. I catch the kids in my class staring at it too. I have been popping out quickly. I think it's because my abs weren't toned in the slightest before pregnancy and with my small frame there is no where for anything to go.

And my least favorite reason I'm getting big so fast. . . My husband was 11 lbs. 14 oz when he was born (vaginally). They had to break his collarbone to get him out. He comes from a family of huge babies (0n both sides). I'm only 5'2". What's a girl to do?

DH is getting so excited. Seeing me expand has made it more real for him. Last night at dinner he said, "I can't wait to shop for baby clothes." I almost choked on my sandwich. I thought it was so cute. I never thought I'd hear that sentence come from him.

Meanwhile, I've done nothing to prepare for this baby. Nothing, nada, zilch. No thought has been given to childcare. I haven't purchased a thing. I haven't researched car seats, cribs, or changing tables. I haven't even browsed a baby aisle. That is not like me. I am a person who is prepared and organized.

I feel my only job right now is to grow a healthy baby.

All the rest will fall into place.


Ashley said...

I love that book!! It's natural to worry after all you've been through. Just try to enjoy every second and not stress TOO much:) You are in my thoughts and prayers!!

PJ said...

OH MY GOD! Two hundred!!!

My district is small - 5,000 students small. Our Super came to our school the other day just to talk with the faculty. They have to shave 5 million off the budget and a lot of that is coming from our top heavy administration. It sounded like the classroom teacher was pretty safe.

I love Wemberly Worried! I haven't read it in a while, but I know I've read it and we have it in our library.

Your belly is too cute though it makes me sad to not be right there with you.

I'm hoping the worries go away, although I know realistically it's probably part of the phsycology of going through infertility.


Carrie said...

I love WW too! It is me, to a T. Now that I've started stims, I am all, "What about OHSS? What about LEAD FOLLICLES?" and am driving everyone mad.

As for the incompetent cervix, it is an easy thing for your doc to measure by ultrasound if you are super worried about it.

Your belly is darling and I wish I could attribute my Follistim belly to pregnancy... hopefully soon!

R.J. said...

I think here in IF world, we're all Wemberlies and probably even more so when and if we get a BFP. Love the belly pics! Push aside that anxiety and enjoy these moments!

G said...

Aww your belly loooks adorable! And definitely popped out since the last photo, how exciting :)

I agree there is always something to worry about, I find myself fluctuating constantly between feeling fine, and stressing. It's in our nature for sure!

Mimi said...

You are starting to pop mommy!! You look so beautiful!!

Mary said...

I totally get where you are coming from. I don't even know if this pregnancy is going to stick and I'm already calculating when my cerclage would be if I have it done at 12 weeks.

I never ends for us.

Oh, and you DH was over 11 lbs!Omg...are you already planning your epi, lol?

Clio said...

I guess I'm a little like Wemberly... and not only related to IF. A friend once said I was a professional worrier, and that she should pay me to worry for her. :D
you are right, your only job now is to grow this healthy baby, everything else will sure fall into place.

Melody said...

I'm so sorry it's taken me so long! JEEZ, parent teacher conference week makes for 12 hour LONG days! We have to be here at 7:15 in the morning and then conferences start AFTER school from 4:30-7:30. How mean is that??? Anyway, it is totally normal to have fears! It also means you will be a good mom! You already want whats best for your baby. The reason they don't check your cervix is because the more they check, the more likely you are to get an infection. (at least that's what my JACK~@$$ doctor told me). But this early and as closed as your cervix is, I'm sure you won't get an infection! Let me/us know how your next visit was/is. Sorry, I'm behind... I think you went on Tuesday. :)

Melody said...

OH, something I forgot... My husband weighed almost 12 pounds at birth and I was 9.4!!!!! Bailey, however, only weighed a "little" 7.8 exactly! It honestly wasn't as bad as I thought and I did it with no drugs! So, don't worry!