Monday, February 23, 2009

I'm Coming Out

Today I shared with my coworkers that I was expecting.

It was harder to do than I thought.

Most people had suspected it and all of them were of course so happy for me. I only told three of the ones I felt most comfortable with about my IVF. I am not keeping it a secret, I just felt like it was a little all at once to tell my story over and over again to each person. I will slowly let people know what I went through. This was enough for one day.

I brought an u/s pic so I could just show them and they'd know. It felt too awkward to announce it out loud. It still doesn't seem real. I'm not sure when it will. . . I always think, maybe after the next doctor's appt, maybe after the next u/s, maybe after I get even bigger.

The feelings that come with pregnancy after IF are most definitely unique.

One of our office secretaries (with two grown kids) asked how long I've been trying. She's the only one who asked. I said it wasn't easy and we'd been trying for awhile. She held up her fingers and told me they tried for four years. I instantly felt a bond with her I've never had before. I confided how strange (and wonderful) it felt to finally be pregnant. She nodded her head and said that you never forget how it feels to hurt like that.

It made me realize how many people that we see everyday struggle, or have struggled, with IF and we never know. It can be such a silent battle. It was for me for a long time. So much so that even now it is hard to come out with all of it, but I really feel that's what needs to be done. Especially when all people hear about IF or IVF comes from the media and quacks who have 14 children.


I'll end on a sweet note.

Last night DH was sitting on the couch. When I walked by he grabbed me, pulled up my sweater and kissed my belly. I almost started crying. I know how much he wants this now. I think it took our IF for him to truly realize it. That is one of the good things that came out of all of this.


Melody said...

That is SO sweet about your husband! When you get further along he needs to read to the baby. We bought the book "Guess How Much I love You?" Zach read it to her when I was pg. TOOOOO SWEET! I'm glad you are telling people because it will make it more real and you will start to feel more comfortable with the whole "pg" thing. Whens the next U/S?
Love and Hugs~Melody

Mary said...

I love the fact that you still embrace your infertility. It shows what kind of a person you are. I'm thrilled that you and your husband are so happy:) You will be a great Mommy..soon!

Shanny said...

Awww so sweet of your DH to do that!!!

Carrie said...

I love that your hubby kissed you and the baby! It is hard to accept it is really happening after all this time, I am sure... but you deserve all the happiness that comes with waiting for your little one to arrive.

G said...

Congrats on your 'coming out'!

I am a big believer in not judging anyone, or assuming what has gone on in their lives. Nobody really knows what's happening behind closed doors, in their private life.

Hope it feels more real soon... grow baby!

Clio said...

it must be reallly awkward at first to come out. I'm glad you did it. :)
and how nice that you connected with someone who also went through this same silent struggle.
your husband kissing your belly was sooo sweet. :)

Mimi said...

Your hubby sounds so sweet! That made me tear up. Congrats on telling co workers!!

Ashley said...

Great post!!! I especially loved the part about your hubby...this does truly make you and DH realize how much you wanted a baby!! I'm sooo happy for you:)

Anonymous said...

That was so sweet of your DH. That touched me. I am glad you were able to come out with the pg. Congrats!