Sunday, August 16, 2009

Reality

Two things have occurred this week that have reminded me like a slap to the face just how infertile DH and I are and how fortunate we are to have come this far. It's not that I've ever forgotten, it just hits me harder at some moments more than others.

The first was at my NST last week when the nurse was making my future appointments. She pulled up my information on the screen and I could see it clearly from my chair. My medical history and diagnoses appeared in a little column. It had my standard, "Chronic Hypertension" and my allergies to medication, but as I kept reading I saw "Diminished Ovarian Reserve" "Poor FSH" (I didn't think 8.8 was that poor- but I certainly didn't respond well to stim meds) and "Primary Female Infertility." Again, I hadn't forgotten any of these interesting tidbits about myself, but it hit me hard when I read them. Pregnancy does not change your diagnosis.

I will always be infertile.

The next moment came this weekend when I read Really Letting Go by Brenda. She is one of the strongest, bravest, most supportive women I have come across in the blogosphere. I know I could have just as easily been in her shoes. Her moving, heartbreaking post brought me to tears and reminded me how evil and unfair IF is.

Go read it and meet a truly wonderful person.

5 comments:

Carrie said...

Evil and unfair are the perfect words to describe IF. It is something none of us will ever get over or forget.

Hoping you are feeling GREAT. Big hugs!

Leah said...

Unfortunately, the title never goes awawy. But with time hopefully those emotions fade.

Thinking of you. :-D

Shanny said...

That was a really hard slap in the face!! IF sucks so bad :(

Lost in Space said...

Thank you for the kind words, my dear. I feel wrapped in a giant hug.

I'm sorry for all those looming reminders and love how you recognize how easily it could have been any one of us.

Still so very thrilled for you as you are so close to meeting your daughter...

Clio said...

labels and diagnosis are hard to move on from, but you have the blessing to have been able to overcome those difficulties. May your baby help you to make that title something that only lives in the back of your mind, as part of your history, and on the faded computer screen at your doctor's office.