Tuesday, September 1, 2009

I Have to Vent

Damn fertiles!

Why don't they think before they spew stupidity?

I was talking to a coworker today on the phone. She just had a baby girl four months ago and has been so generous with giving me maternity clothes, baby clothes, a cosleeper, a baby bjorn, the list goes on. She's a lot of fun to hang out with and we have been getting to be friends more than "acquaintances."

She knows of my IVF treatments and her mom and dad went through several IVF attempts before they ended up getting pregnant with her brother and later her, on their own. She also has at least one other friend who has done IVF. Of all my friends, I didn't think she'd be the one to say something so insulting.

We were talking about one of her friends who went through IVF and got pregnant with twins. A few weeks ago she had told me that her friend went into (very) premature labor and lost on of the twins. I asked how her friend and her baby were doing. She said it was really touch and go with the other baby. She sounded sad for her friend and said they have already gone through so much and she hoped this didn't deter her from trying again if something happens to her other baby.

Then she added, "But, this was her second IVF try. Maybe some people's bodies weren't meant to have babies."

Ummm. . . Do you remember who you are speaking to?! Are you saying I am not "meant" to have a baby?!

I got very quiet. Finally I said, "Getting pregnant and carrying a baby are two very different things. Carrying multiples is always more risky. It has nothing to do with her infertility."

Again, poor attempts at back peddling ensued. I really think she had forgotten how I got pregnant.

I initially tried to blow it off as ignorance on her part, but as I was sitting here on the computer I started stewing about it and getting really disappointed in her. It is yet another reminder that no one will ever understand IF unless it happens to them.

I know so many of us have had this kind of experience. I have more than once. I keep thinking it will get easier to hear these comments, but it never does. It hurts every time.

9 comments:

Ashley said...

I'm so sorry your...coworker(not sure I'd call her a friend)...was so insensitive. I have learned to tune out those types of people and comments, though I understand how hard it can be!

Banana Pancakes said...

I agree my friend. Just recently my Mom made a comment about "not forcing nature". I about died. It is so very true that if you've never been through it you'll never understand.

Shanny said...

Oh, I guess I could ignore it from naive people but she knows people including you that have gone through treatments, how inconsiderate! I'm sorry =(

Carrie said...

Good lord! What is wrong with people??? I cannot figure it out to save my life.

Sometimes people say things like "Well, of course you are on bed rest! YOU wanted to do IVF!" It is all I can do not to tell the whole world that most IVF'ers transfer two and end up with one or two babies, not three.

Mandatory sensitivity training to prevent further stupidity spewing seems in order.

Melody said...

I understand completely! When I was trying SO hard, month after month, one of my friends said "I will pray for you to get pregnant, however, maybe God does not have a plan for you to have a baby. Some people are not meant to have babies." I was SO hurt that when I did get pregnant, she was the first person I wanted to call and say, You B****, I did get pregnant!

Clio said...

then is she saying that her parents were not meant to have babies? because they too went through various attempts, right? so, so stupid...

Lost in Space said...

People never cease to amaze me with the things they don't consider before speaking. Sorry hun.

PJ said...

Ughhhh! People.

Read Wemberly today. Thought of you.

Mike Hussey said...

Doctors don't know what causes infertility in about half the cases in men, but think many men's infertility problems may be rooted in their genes.