39 Weeks

But who's counting?

I had my appt with Dr. Delightful today. I had to have my 38 week visit with a midwife last week, so it was great to see him again. I ran down my list of questions and then he took measurements, listened to her heartbeat and did a pelvic exam. I am currently 1 cm dilated, and 25-30% effaced with a soft cervix. Not too bad. At least there is some progress. (By the way, have any of you had spotting after a pelvic in late pregnancy (or anytime in pregnancy for that matter)? I think it is pretty common, but bleeding of any kind I don't really care for.)

I had spoken to him previously about not wanting to go past my due date. I have a few reasons why. First, my blood pressure has been slowly creeping up in the last week or two. I test my urine everyday and there have been no proteins present, so that is good. And I have had no other signs of pre-eclampsia (headaches, swelling, etc.). I think it is the pregnancy slowly taking a toll on my body. My numbers aren't that bad, just different than they usually are. Because of this, he ordered some blood work for me today. If that comes back fine, he isn't very concerned unless my BPs shoot off the charts, then they would just deliver.

The other reason I don't want to go past is my concerns of a baby too big to fit through my pelvis. I am pretty petite and I don't want to try to deliver a baby that has grown past due and experience complications because of that.

But my main reason is the anxiety going beyond would bring me. We. have. come. so. far. I don't want to push it. I figure, we needed all sorts of medical intervention to get her in there, why not use some medical intervention to get her out. :)

Luckily, today the doctor agreed and we scheduled an induction for next Friday, September 4, my due date. As an added bonus, my doctor will be on call in labor and delivery that day. He picked it because of that. At my hospital, when it comes to doctors, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit" (also the mantra in my classroom with first graders). I feel very lucky that he might be able to deliver me. It was also reassuring to know that he scheduled me on a day he knew he'd be there. I must not be that annoying to him. :)

So, there you have it. If I don't go into labor on my own (and my BP doesn't become a bitch), next Friday will be the big day.

The countdown is on.

Seven more days.

I can't believe it.

38 weeks

39 weeks

A Milestone

I've carried my daughter to term.

I am 37w4d today.

Any extra time now is a bonus for her and a source of anticipation for me. It really is a nerve-wracking experience.

I know I've been told to just relax and enjoy this little time you have left to yourself, the resting and the peace and quiet. And most days, I do. I enjoy it very much. I am sleeping like a champ at night and I take an almost daily nap. That first trimester sleepiness is creeping back in.

There are other times when I just want her here. I feel like I am throwing away the last weeks of being pregnant. This most likely is the only time in my life I will be. I should soak up the feeling of her movements, admire my full belly, and savor the life I have growing inside me. I know I will miss it when she's born. But-to-come-so-far-and-to-almost-be-there-but-not- quite-yet is really getting to me. I want to meet her now.

Yet, we wait. . .

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In the meantime, would you like to hear my new worry of the week?

You know you do . . .

I should really wear a sign that says, "Please don't give me too much information because I am neurotic and I will feverishly google whatever numbers, terms or facts you wave in front of me."

At my NST on Monday they started with an u/s to measure my fluid levels. I have usually ranged from anywhere between 12-15 on the amniotic fluid index. The nurses told me anywhere between 5 and 20 is normal. That seems like quite a range, but hey I was measuring in the middle so I didn't care.

This Monday the nurse remarks, "Look at this big pocket of fluid. Look at this thing (as she's pointing to the screen). " I said, "That's the space where she can kick her foot." It's true. I think it's the only space she has left to move in and that leg can really get going. Then she says, "Looks like we don't have to worry about running out of fluid with you." After enough of these damn comments I started to get worried. I said, "Is there too much?" "I don't think so but let's add it up." It was up to 20. High end of normal. The nurse was not concerned and thought it was from my being very well hydrated (as shown in my clear urine sample) and the fact that the baby had probably just peed. The doctor who looked at my NST results didn't care either.

I cared.

I googled AFI indexes and read articles on polyhydramnios (excess amniotic fluid) and causes for it, including fetal abnormalities. (Won't I ever learn not to do these things?). Most things I read said that anything over 24 is a diagnosis of polyhydramnois although some said 18 and others said 20. And I read that 60-65% of cases of a mild onset are for no real reason. So I think I am okay with it for now. We'll see what it is Thursday. I love all this monitoring, but for someone like me, too much info can be a very bad thing.

Do you see why part of me just wants her here?

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On to more fun topics:

The nursery is complete!! If you count empty picture frames as complete that is. I still need to order prints and get the frames filled. Other than that, everything is hung, assembled, painted, organized and ready to go.

So I introduce her nursery. . . and her name. You will see it hanging above her crib in the second picture. It was the name of DH's grandma and I've always thought it was pretty. (I also like names you can shorten. I'm too lazy to call someone a whole mouthful all the time. :)

Maddy for short.

Don't forget the 37 Week Belly:

Reality

Two things have occurred this week that have reminded me like a slap to the face just how infertile DH and I are and how fortunate we are to have come this far. It's not that I've ever forgotten, it just hits me harder at some moments more than others.

The first was at my NST last week when the nurse was making my future appointments. She pulled up my information on the screen and I could see it clearly from my chair. My medical history and diagnoses appeared in a little column. It had my standard, "Chronic Hypertension" and my allergies to medication, but as I kept reading I saw "Diminished Ovarian Reserve" "Poor FSH" (I didn't think 8.8 was that poor- but I certainly didn't respond well to stim meds) and "Primary Female Infertility." Again, I hadn't forgotten any of these interesting tidbits about myself, but it hit me hard when I read them. Pregnancy does not change your diagnosis.

I will always be infertile.

The next moment came this weekend when I read Really Letting Go by Brenda. She is one of the strongest, bravest, most supportive women I have come across in the blogosphere. I know I could have just as easily been in her shoes. Her moving, heartbreaking post brought me to tears and reminded me how evil and unfair IF is.

Go read it and meet a truly wonderful person.

Calling All Lovely Lurkers

I was so happy to receive this award from Michelle.

The rules are:

Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link. Pass the award to 15 other blogs you have newly discovered. Remember to contact the blogger to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

Fifteen new blogs that I've recently discovered?! That seemed like quite a feat for me and most of the regular blogs I follow have already received this award. I need new friends to support. So here's what I decided to do.



If you have a blog and are a routine lurker here, consider yourself awarded. All I need in return is a comment from you so I can link back to your blog and learn of someone else's journey with IF (or any other kind of journey for that matter).



If you don't have a blog and are a lurker I urge you to start one sooner rather than later. I can't tell you how many IF blogs I followed before I became brave enough to start my own. It was the best support I have ever found. Finally a place where I felt I belonged and people "got it." It will be one of the best decisions you've made. What better way to start a blog then with an award?



And for my girls who have supported me through my IF, my crazy IVF cycle and my pregnancy- you are truly the best. I still feel like I need support no matter how much closer I get to seeing my daughter. Pregnancy after IF is wonderful, amazing, unbelievable and scary. I could not get through it without you all. If you, my faithful followers, have not received this award, then you most definitely deserve and I pass it to you. I am thankful for you.



Here's to new friends. . .

36 Weeks

Yesterday was our four year anniversary.

We celebrated by getting to see our daughter on an u/s. I had my growth scan and she is estimated at 6 pounds 2 ounces and all the measurements equaled my due date exactly. Something the u/s tech said rarely happens. I'm so glad she's growing on track, despite the high blood pressure meds I've had to take throughout this pregnancy. She's so big now it's hard to get good pictures. We did get a picture of the back of her head and her spine because she was facing away from the machine. She was in a nice birth position. Stay right there please little one. And of course we got another good one of her foot. This is her powerful kicking foot that feels like it will burst out of my side at times.

I had a NST right before the u/s. She was not as active at this one and even juice wasn't helping that much. I guess they got their two movements with good heart accelerations. At one point I heard a strange sound on the monitor for a few seconds. I asked the nurse what it was and she said it was a minor deceleration in the heart rate. I told her she was moving at the time. She said it could be from the baby compressing the cord for a few seconds and it happens all the time. Most people just don't know it happens because they aren't hooked up to monitors. Um. Okay. That's a little too much information for me. And little girl, please stay away from your cord. It's not a toy.

After my appts, DH and I had a nice Italian dinner. I got flowers, a card, and a nice massage. I got him. . . well. . .I got him another day closer to seeing his daughter. This growing a baby is hard work and I have been so tired lately. I did do other things (that did not require shopping)I'm sure he appreciated. . .

I can't believe I am only one week away from what is considered full term. I wouldn't mind if she came two or three weeks from now. I don't know if I want to go four more weeks (or more), not because I feel like I couldn't do it or I'm not up to it, I just want her here and healthy and in my arms so I can see that she is truly real. I don't think my body is doing much of anything to prepare for her arrival though. If I'm having braxton hicks, I don't feel them. I don't think she's "dropped." I doubt I'm dilated or effaced at all (maybe my doc will check on Tuesday). I remember being so scared of preterm labor and cervical incompetence. It is so strange to start hoping for a little contraction here or there, or for my cervix to ripen and open a little. I know she still needs to cook. It's getting hard to be patient.

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In other news, I got my second blog award from Michelle! Thanks so much for thinking of me! I need to copy and post and my award and send it on. But I'll save it for another post. I really need some ice cream right now. . . :)

Here are my 35 and 36 week pics:

35 weeks

36 weeks

34 Weeks

I had my first NST on Monday. They start with an u/s every time to check the fluid levels. That was a nice bonus. (So far she is still a girl. Whew!) I guess she didn't like being prodded with the u/s wand because as soon as they hooked me up to the monitors she started going crazy. She doesn't like any pressure on her and was punching at the contraction monitor. One of the nurses accused me (jokingly) of having caffeine. So the whole thing was over in 30 minutes versus the hour they scheduled. I hope she performs that well tomorrow.

I sat next to another girl who was having twin boys and was 31 weeks along. We got to chat a little while when the nurses were out of the room. She was pretty young and young acting. While the thought of her having IF treatments crossed my mind, I'm fairly certain she did not. She was just a little too carefree about her pregnancy. Maybe some woman after IF treatments are. I know I, most certainly, am not.

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Project nursery is almost complete! DH has been working so hard. We found these inexpensive wooden letters at Kohl's and we got every letter we needed to spell her name except the "y". We are on a hunt. I call every week after they get a shipment and see if it has arrived. My friend has a Kohl's in Alaska and is checking for me too. I also need to find some things to hang on the walls. It's in the "finishing touches" stage. I will post some pictures as soon as it is all done.

We also need to pack a hospital bag and get some still needed items off our registry. (I just realized the other day, I don't have a diaper bag.) Tomorrow I am going to the mall to find a homecoming outfit for her. We have gotten so many clothes and they're all so cute, but none of them seems to be "the one." Plus, I selfishly wanted to be the one to pick it out and buy it. All little girl clothes are adorable. You really can't go wrong. But, the clothes I love the most are ones that look like a miniature adult clothes. Like an outfit I'd wear if I were that small. Those are pretty easy to find for toddlers over one, but almost impossible to find for a newborn infant. I am determined. I am going to check out "Janie and Jack". Do any of you have that clothing store around? Very expensive, but very cute!

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Here is a 34 week belly pic. This one was shot at night instead of the morning. I think that is why I seem about to burst in it. Although it really is getting quite big.

The next picture was taken in the nursery with my precious little dog wrapped around my belly. I admit, it is a bit cheesy, but I like it.

A Date With Dr. Delightful (and Wemberly of Course)

On Tuesday I had my 33 week appt with Dr. Delightful. DH came with me and got to meet him for the first time. He wasn't running late so that was nice and he willingly wrote the doctor's note I needed for my maternity leave. He is just the best at answering all my questions with thoughtful, complete answers. You can tell he is very knowledgeable and loves what he does. He teaches at the local UC hospital and he enjoys educating people about medicine. He even said that if I see something on the Internet that I should print it out and bring it with me so we can discuss it together. How awesome is that! DH said I like him so much because he thinks just like me.

I knew I needed a non-stress test at 34 weeks due to being a high risk pregnancy (I take meds for chronic high blood pressure). I was under the assumption (thanks to Dr. H and her short, curt explanations) that it was only one that I would have. Wrong. It will be two every week until delivery. I like the sound of that. I'm all for more monitoring and care. I'm grateful not to be working with all those appointments. I was also not aware that I would get another high resolution u/s at 36 weeks to check the growth. Yay!

Then came the best part of the appt- the time to examine the baby. Instead of getting out the doppler, he motioned to DH and said because he was here (and by now I'm sure he could figure out I'm a bit high maintenance and a worrier) that he would do an u/s instead. I said, "Today?"

It is a whole different experience seeing her on the u/s when she is this big. It is bits and pieces of her body that we made out as he moved around my belly. The resolution was poor and I could not make out much more than her heart and spine (even though he was narrating the whole time). Then we got to her head. It was like one of those pictures you have to stare at in order to see two profiles instead of a vase. When I finally made sense of what was on the screen. I shouted "I see it!" It was the cutest thing. You could make out her forehead, shadows for eyes and a cute little button nose. She had her arm covering her mouth. Dr. D. kept trying to get her to move it by pushing on my belly. He said he wanted DH to see a good picture because he doesn't get to feel her move like I do and he wanted him to feel a part of it all. DH enjoyed this male perspective and felt like he was paid attention to at the appt, instead of ignored by Dr. H. I finally had to stop all the pressure because it started to hurt. I swear the two of them were in their own world and my polite grunts and cries of being uncomfortable were going unnoticed until I said, "It's starting to hurt." Then the surprise u/s was over.

Another added bonus, she was head down. Let's hope she stays that way.

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So it seems a pattern with me that every piece of good news and relief I find with this pregnancy is followed closely by a new worry.

What is it this time you ask? (perhaps with rolling eyes)

Well, yesterday I went to a friend's house for lunch and swimming. She was aware that I could not eat processed deli meats, so she went to a deli that hand carves their turkey meat so it comes out looking like what you'd have on your Thanksgiving plate. I thought, "Oh good. I can eat that." I should have heated it up just to be on the safe side, but my preggo brain was getting the best of me. I felt guilty after I ate it, like I did something wrong. I immediately went home and googled (damn) all I could about listeria and cross contamination in delis and all kinds of horrible things. I felt very stupid for even taking such a "risk." The worst part is the incubation period can range anywhere from 3-70 days. There is no rest for the worriers. I'm sure I'll be less crazy with time.

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Tomorrow I will be 34 weeks along. Only three weeks until I'm considered full term and only six weeks until my due date. Sooo close. Sooo far away. What a great time to eat a turkey sandwich. . . :)

33 weeks