21 Weeks

Work last week was really busy for me. Okay, not really busy in comparison to others' jobs, but really busy for lazy ol' me. Mostly it involved going to night functions after my work day ends. (Which for me is 3:15 or as soon as I can lock my classroom door and get to the parking lot. If I don't have a dreaded staff meeting.) I didn't realize how much I count on going straight home and relaxing. Anything more and I realize that I don't quite have the energy I thought I did.

Tuesday I had to do a phone bank. It's where you call people who live in our district and encourage them to vote for a parcel tax that is going to give money to our poor California school. It reminded me why I never thought of going into telemarketing. Luckily most people weren't home or weren't answering their phones so I finished pretty quickly.

Then Wednesday I had to come back to school for the "Read and Scoop" night which encourages families to buy books from the book fair and offers free ice cream. Teachers were encouraged to either read a book or scoop ice cream. I am not into manual labor so I choose to read. I sent all my children subliminal pot smoking messages and read them "Puff the Magic Dragon." (Kidding about the pot message, but I really did read that story). I love that song and the book comes with a CD so at the end I played that as well. I got a personal copy so I can play it for my daughter.

They talk about how important it is to read and sing to your baby in utero so she gets used to your voice. Thanks to my chosen career, I'm all set. That's what I do- read to kids. And everyday we play at least one song to sing. (Usually it's a patriotic song after the pledge. I should play her the CD when she's born and see which ones she recognizes. Not your common nursery songs, but hey, they'll do.)

I can feel her moving more and more now. I can tell when she's rolling, kicking, punching, or her new favorite hobby- stomping on my cervix. ("Hey sweet daughter, please don't do that. It needs to stay shut.") Yesterday DH finally got to feel her too. We were laying in bed and he just kept his hand there. She wasn't kicking until then. Then she gave him a good one and then another. He was so tickled.


I still worry. I am trying hard not to. My "Worry of the Week" was a UTI. My bladder has felt different lately. The pee doesn't come in a steady stream but it comes in spurts. I have no problem emptying my bladder though. Lately at night I have noticed a slight burning after but it goes away quickly. I had a urinalysis done at 18 weeks after the lack of steady stream and it came back fine, but this week after the burning started I requested another just to be sure. I was scaring myself reading about UTIs and preterm labor. I emailed my doctor to get an additional test. She can be such a bitch sometimes. She emails back, "You could get another test, but did you not trust the last one?" Um, it's been three weeks since then. I think you could develop a UTI in that amount of time. I don't need her lip or condescending attitude. I just wanted to pee in a cup. Stupid me assumed she had ordered the test. When I went to the lab after school, they had no record of it. She had been waiting for a response from me. I didn't think her email deserved a response. Needless to say, I finally got the test done and of course it came back all normal. Don't I look the paranoid ass? Oh well, I'd do it all over again for peace of mind.

I'll leave you with a 21 week belly shot. (I'm sorry. I like to document. I know they are looking all the same to you.)

Halfway

Or so I hope. . . I'd love for her to stay in there another 20 weeks.

I had my OB appt Wednesday. I had several aches and pains to inquire about. The bigger I get, the newer the sensations of pulling, soreness, stretching, you name it. I wouldn't mind them a bit as long as someone could guarantee me they're normal. Nothing I said alarmed my OB. I often wonder if anything would. She's always so damn calm. . . I think she's on to my craziness.

Anyway, after I rattled down my list of symptoms and questions, we got to listen to the heartbeat on the doppler. As we were listening we heard a loud boom-type sound. We all jumped- it was loud. The doctor said it was her moving. We then heard several other little bumps on the monitor. (I couldn't feel anything at the time.)

Finally, at the end of the appt, I had to ask about our u/s results. She said everything looked fine and her anatomy was normal. I would have loved more details, but I'll take that good news and run with it.

My OB is a woman of few words and she is not the warmest soul in the world, (I don't think she really understands pregnancy after IF and the unique worries it brings.) but I am confident she is a good doctor, so I just try to go with that. One thing she is good at is being on time for her appts. and if you email her she gets back to you within an hour or two. For a doctor I think that's amazing and it means a lot to me.

I am feeling her move much more now. Especially in the last few days. Her rolling movements are interrupted with full fledged (gentle) kicks. I wish DH could feel them and to me if feels like they're hard enough that he should be able to, but she is just to little yet. I can't wait until he can share that too.

I've started researching baby things (a little bit). I think I have decided on the crib bedding set and I need to find a crib ASAP because my FIL offered to buy us one and I want to take him up on it before he forgets the offer. :) Maybe after our next appt (in four weeks) I'll think about registering and seriously getting prepared (maybe). . .

(19 weeks)

(20 weeks)

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If you haven't already, please stop by Emily's blog and offer your congrats. She just got a long sought after BFP!!!! I'm so happy for her and Sean.

My First Award!

When it rains it pours. I've never received a blog award before and now I am nominated by two people. Thanks Ashely (Go give her your support. She's about to start IVF #1) and Carrie (Go give her congratulations. She's pregnant with twins!)

Rules of The Sisterhood Award:
1. Put the logo on your blog or post.
2. Nominate 10 blogs with great attitude and/or gratitude.
3. Be sure to link to your nominees in your post.
4. Let your nominees know they have received the award by leaving them a comment on their blog.
5. Be sure to link this post to the person who nominated you for the award.

I have been lucky to have many faithful supporters on my IF journey. And these women have stood by my even after a BFP. I appreciate their continued support, comments, and well wishes. Pregnancy after IF is not easy and everyday I worry. These friends help me through it (and have not yet received this award).

1. Mary @ A Hopeful Unicorn
2. Clio @ Dancing with Gaia
3. Chronicles of . . .
4. PJ @ Infertility on the Brain
5. G @ What Doesn't Kill Me
6. Mandibula @ Hoping for Hoberts
7. Shanny @ I Did, I Do, I Will
8. Brenda @ No Regrets
9. Michelle @ Michelle's Message
10. Kat470 @ My Struggles With Infertility

I Was Wrong. . .

She's a girl!!

I was totally shocked to find that out at our u/s today. She gave us a great shot of her girly parts so there is no confusion.

We still haven't gotten the full report back as far as her health, but my parts were being agreeable so far. The placenta is back and away from the cervix and the cervix itself was closed and measured 3.9 cm. Our baby weighs in at 11 oz. and is measuring exactly 18w5d (which I am). She was opening and closing her hand and trying to grab onto the umbilical cord. DH and I only got to see her at the end of the whole appt. because the tech had the screen to her for the first 45 minutes taking measurements and getting pictures for the radiologist to read. After that though, the tech was really nice and showed us different views of her and we got some really great pictures.

I was pretty worked up last night worrying that they'd find an empty sac and tell me I've just been getting fat, or the baby wouldn't have a heartbeat, or any other numerous worries I went through. Wemberly and I were BFFs. Of course, I won't fully be able to relax until the final report, but it made me feel better to see her moving around in there.

Now, I know I am pretty biased, but I think she's cute already:

She's got big feet like her daddy.

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DH and I went to Yosemite National Park last weekend with my MIL. We stayed for two nights took some leisurely strolls, ate some great meals and just relaxed. While we were there we made our first baby purchase. Little socks that say "Bears say Grrr." We also went to the mall today after finding out the sex and bought a couple of onsies that I thought were very cute. Having a girl is going to be draining on my pocketbook, although nothing about her has been inexpensive so far anyway.

(This will count as my 18 week belly shot too)
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And I am so honored! I've been given my first ever blog award by two friends. Thanks Ashley and Carrie! In my next post I'll pass it along. . .

"Dreams", "Is that Gas?" and "My DH"

Last night I had a second dream about my baby. I've had several dreams about pregnancy, but only two about my actual child. The first one was shortly after I found out I was pregnant. In the dream I could see inside my body and into the uterus. It was decorated like a nursery in there with a crib, mobile, and other accessories. My baby was floating around in there in a onsie and it was a boy.

In my most recent dream, I was actually giving birth and it was also a boy. I was amazed how cute he was and he was reaching his arms out to me. For some reason the nurses were not taking him to clean and wrap him and DH was worried he was getting cold so I had to snuggle him on my chest to keep him warm. The second part of the dream involved taking him home and forgetting to feed him, not having any diapers in the house to change him, and having done nothing to prepare for him. I know that part was my subconscious talking. . .

So, needless to say, I am leaning heavily towards guessing it's a boy. I will be quite shocked it if it's a girl, but happy none the less. I really have no preference.

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Welcome to this week's fixation: Fetal Movement

Have I felt my baby move?

The answer is. . . yes, no, maybe? I have no idea.

People say it's like a fluttering sensation or bubbles or popcorn popping. If that's the case, I've felt this baby move even before I was pregnant because that sounds like a description of gas to me!

Sometimes I think I can tell the difference and I feel a more profound small pounding sensation. Then I think, "No stupid, It's probably the bean burrito you finished off for lunch."

One night last week I was convinced it had to be the baby. I have been really enjoying the tomatoes, basil and mozzarella cheese combination. I decided to put it all on french bread and grill it for a panini. There was a ton of tomatoes on it. It was yummy. That night I was having yet another dream where my stomach was fluttering. I woke up and felt it for real. I think the baby was pissed in there. I could feel my uterus moving like it was pounding me from the inside with its fists and legs. I then got the worst heart burn I've ever had.

Because I'm twisted, I wanted to recreate the situation a couple nights later to determine what I really felt. I sat down to eat my tomato, basil, mozzarella salad and I couldn't finish it. It no longer tasted good to me. I don't think I can eat it again for a long time. Isn't that strange?

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And finally (because this post has really been for me and my memories) I want to share how much DH has embraced this pregnancy. The larger I get, the more real it becomes for him. Whereas I still feel silly to do it at times, he'll talk to him/her at night before we go to bed. He rubs my tummy and says goodbye to the baby before he leaves. Even though he is the most affectionate, loving man I know, I never knew how he'd respond to an unborn child. It touches me every time.

17 Weeks

16 Weeks

Yesterday marked 16 weeks.

I am awaiting my next u/s on April 8th. I really could care less what sex it is. All I want to know is if it's growing and developing properly. We are going to find out whether it's a girl or a boy though. I've had enough suspense surrounding this pregnancy. I'm ready to find out all I can about my baby.

I finished parent-teacher conferences this week. That's always a relief. Almost all my conferences started off with parents asking, "How are you feeling?" My favorite pat answer, "Better than a month ago."

I made an attempt last weekend to do something to prepare for this baby. My friend S. (preggers with #2) and her a 1 year old took me to the store of all stores. The store that still gives me anxiety, Babies R Us! I wanted her to orientate me to all the needs of an infant. Boy do they need a lot of shit! I was listening closely for the first few aisles or so, then my eyes started to glaze over and I was adding up costs in my head. She told me to just register for everything and then check craigslist and e-bay for the stuff I don't get at the showers. I didn't write anything down and I'm sure I'll need a second tutorial before I register. I just wanted to get a start. It's kind of like I do in the summer when it's time for me to go back and get my classroom ready for the next year. I need one day where I just go in my room and sit and stare at everything, get overwhelmed and walk out. I'm always so much better after that.

I know a lot about getting pregnant, and being pregnant. I know nothing about what comes after that. . .

Getting bigger.

Belly Fascinations

I was just reading a post by Carrie at Tubeless in Seattle regarding the way people stare at the bellies of women of childbearing age and analyze every roll of fat or bout of bloat for a sign of pregnancy. It's been done to me countless times in the past, before TTC, during TTC, during IF treatments, and of course now during early pregnancy.

A couple of years ago, I must have been in need of an ab routine because on two occasions parents of children at my school stopped me to ask if I was pregnant. Well, actually one said, "Is that a pooch?" (Yes it is. I just had a big lunch. Thanks for asking bitch!) and the other one pointed to my stomach and asked, "Is there a baby in there?" (Not that I'm aware of you ding dong!). Granted I am a petite person and any weight I gain goes straight to my middle and shows up instantly against my otherwise small frame, but give me a freaking break! How rude.

People at work (parents mostly, some staff) have been studying my stomach since I got married. I think many people must have figured I have the longest gestational period known to man and have been perpetually stuck in the early second trimester for years. Keep 'em guessing. That's what I've done.

I've got them all fooled now. Even thought I've told some staff at work, and the parents in my class, I'm sure not everyone has heard. People who don't know are really confused now. They stare at my swollen abdomen and don't know what to say. I let them sweat it out and just smile.

Yesterday a random parent was brave and said, "You're going to have a baby." (Thanks for letting me know!) and then proceeded to rub my stomach! She said she didn't know until today when she saw me walking to the bathroom. She thought I was normally so small that I had to be pregnant. Could you imagine the horror I would have ensued if I hadn't been? Damn people get some manners!

Even those who know, stare and touch. It's strange. For so long I tried to suck in my gut and wear shirts that hid my pooch and tried to avoid looking pregnant at all costs. Now that my belly is once again a fascination (and for a good reason I suppose) I find it hard to adjust. It is the first thing people say about me know when I walk into a room. My TTC and IF journey have been my private matter for so long now that if feels odd to have people discuss my pregnancy so openly.

Please don't get me wrong. I love being pregnant and all the changes it brings to my body and my life. I am just adjusting to a new world I never imagined I'd be a part of. . . belly fascinations and all.

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My appt on Tuesday went well.

It was actually very quick. They checked my blood pressure. She answered my list of questions and then she found the baby's heartbeat on the doppler. It was in the low 160s.

I was a little afraid to step on the scale but so far I've gained just 5 1/2 pounds. I think it has all gone to my belly (as it always has).

I told her about my cervical concerns. She says she's never seen a previous D&C be the reason for an incomplete cervix. I asked her if I had one if it would be dilating already. She said not at 14 weeks. She also said the reason for the vaginal/cervical pain was probably round ligaments that run down through your vaginal walls and out through your inner thighs. I decided to let it go and not make her check my cervix (I was fully clothed at the time anyway). If it was shut at 11 weeks, I'll ass-ume it was still shut at 14 weeks. I felt better knowing they will routinely check it at my 18 1/2 week u/s, which is scheduled for April 8th.

Here's the15 week belly everyone in my real life has been fascinated with (not much bigger than last week I think. . .).